i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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