you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
