If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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