Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
