I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
