last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
