The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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