someone threw a dead crab at me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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