next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
