clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
