You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
