Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
