I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
