my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
