dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
