all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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