He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
