Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
