nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
