Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
