I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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