She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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