you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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