I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
