i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
