If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
