No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Text me some of your sweat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
