I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
