yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
