At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
