yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
