Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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