Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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