i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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