He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
