How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
