Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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