My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
