i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
