He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
