I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
