this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
