I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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