i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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