Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
