Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
