What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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