I faked an abortion last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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