I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
honey bunches of taint.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
