everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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