If i come over, it means nothing
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
