we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
