a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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