Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
